consistent inconsistency

wasting time

I procrastinate. I think my two settings of work are 100% or 0% - if I am inspired, or understand how to get from point A to point B, I can give things my complete focus. Otherwise, I think it's difficult for me to make progress on anything. YouTube is my biggest time waste - I had a fairly nasty habit of watching videos when I was stuck or confused at work.

On the flip side - I also feel a need to make my free time productive. I feel like I need to relax in the most efficient way possible; that I should be ingesting the highest quality media, or being personally productive in side projects. This usually ends up with procrastinating on deciding what to do, and doing the lowest effort thing - which ends up being YouTube binges. And then I'm neither relaxed or enjoying myself.

I don't have a solution to either of these issues. I don't think I can just think my way out of them: using sheer force of will doesn't seem like a long term fix. But perhaps admitting it and writing it down will highlight the absurdity of the situation.

tags: self

permalink | posted by nathan on Tuesday, the 2th of February, 2021, at some point in the morning